I love the digital age

A few years ago, when I wanted to buy a pair of shoes, I'd go to a specialist store in the center of town. Like most men, I hated that moment. I can still see myself trying to find something that interested me among all those shoes. Not too dandy, like moccasins with tassels, but not too dapper either, like sneakers with velcro straps or sandals. After several rounds of the shelves, under the amused eyes of the sales assistants, it was always the same scenario: there were at least a few decent models left to try on.

I then sit down to test the last few acceptable shoes. It's a lonely moment when I have to take off the pair I've been wearing all day, releasing smelly feet in front of the increasingly amused sales assistants. Then comes the fateful moment when I try to put one foot in the model to be tested. It's amazing how your feet swell when you're hot. "Would you like a shoehorn, sir?". By this time I've already got drops starting to trickle down my forehead. A mixture of shame and annoyance.

I get up and take a few steps. It looks pretty good. "Do you have the heel wedged in the back? Not too much play in the front?". What the hell does he care? Too happy to have found a pair that more or less fit me, I head for the checkout, pay and leave.

Fortunately, that's all over now. Thanks to the Internet, I can choose my shoes from the comfort of my sofa. I apply a few filters - color, style, price, etc. - and end up with a large number of results that match my tastes. One or two more clicks, and the shoes are sent straight to my home. So easy. No heatstroke, no saleswoman asking me if my heel is properly seated, and above all, a monstrous time-saver.

Except that, unfortunately, I still work every day. When the letter carrier delivers the parcel, I'm not there. So I have to pick it up at the post office. Again, since I work, I have to go in the evening, during rush hour. Big queues guaranteed. Speaking of which, have you ever noticed how many little old people come to the post office to make payments in the evening, when they've got all day to do it? It drives me crazy. They have to pay their bills at the post office counter because they don't have Internet. Whereas I'm forced to come here because I've done my shopping online. It's like a little malaise.

After a 10-minute wait, I finally get my package. Overjoyed, I rush home to try out my new acquisition. The problem with buying on the Internet is that, of course, you can't try them on. Even if you order your usual size, there's always a moment when things go wrong. Back to the post office to return the package, another 10-minute queue, a new order with a larger size on the site, then back to the post office with its queue to pick up the new pair ordered. The result: several days of waiting and a few hours lost. I almost miss the saleswoman who cares about my heel. Except that the store where she used to work no longer exists, a victim of competition from the Net.

That's when I tell myself it's okay. I'm off the hook. But no, that's precisely when the trouble starts. When you've bought your shoes in a boutique, unless you go back, you're unlikely to see the salesgirls who looked at you with amusement. On the Internet, on the other hand, it's a different story. A little newsletter here, a nice "These items may interest you" e-mail there...

Fortunately the European Union in its extraordinary goodness has come up with the RGPD which is supposed to protect us from this kind of abuse. From now on, we'll be duly warned before we're hounded. So much for being warned, we've certainly been warned in recent weeks... In addition to being harassed by advertising, we're now burdened with terms and conditions. That's just great. In any case, it'll be a job for lawyers, if they can't defend ordinary citizens. Honestly, do you have the time and money to take on GAFA? At best, you could do it against small bloggers like me. Another useless law that only protects the big fish...

As my wife also orders from the Internet and we use the same PC, I'm now surprised to have female models in their underwear wiggling their tits on the banners of my site. Not that it bothers me, but on the other hand it's really hard to write articles with only my left hand.

I told you: I love the digital age.