ESFJ – Home Help

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Portrait

ESFJs are people lovers. They use their sensitivity to gather accurate and detailed information about others. They want to bring out the best in them. They are very good at reading and understanding people's point of view. ESFJs' desire to be liked makes them pleasing to others. People enjoy being around them because they have a special gift for always making them feel good about themselves.

ESFJs take their responsibilities very seriously. They value security and stability. They are warm and energetic. They need the approval of others to feel good. They are hurt by indifference and do not understand meanness. They are very generous. Their personal satisfaction comes above all from the happiness of others. They want to be appreciated for who they are and for what they give. They are very sensitive to others and they like to take care of them. ESFJs are caring people who sometimes have a hard time seeing or accepting a difficult truth about someone they care about.

ESFJs tend to have strong ideas about how things should be, and they are not shy about expressing these opinions. They may have a strong moral code, defined by the community in which they live, rather than by strongly felt internal values.

ESFJs who have had the benefit of being raised with a strong ethical value system are likely to be the most generous souls. Those who have not had the benefit of developing their own values by confronting them with a good external value system may develop very questionable values. They then find many reasons for a moral transgression that they wish to justify. This type of ESFJ is a dangerous person. Their Extraverted Feeling drives them to control and manipulate. Their lack of intuition prevents them from taking a step back. They are generally very popular and effective at manipulating people. Unlike their ENFJ cousins, they lack the intuition to understand the true consequences of their actions. They are driven to manipulate others to achieve their own ends, but they believe that they are following a strong moral code of conduct.

ESFJs have a natural tendency to want to control their environment. Their dominant function requires structure and organization. They are most comfortable with structured environments. They do not like theoretical concepts. They should be careful in controlling people who do not wish to be controlled, such as INTPs or INTJs.

ESFJs respect the laws and rules of authority, and believe that others should do the same. They are traditional and prefer to do things the established way, rather than venturing into uncharted territory. This tendency can sometimes lead them to blindly accept rules without questioning or understanding them.

An ESFJ who has had a less than ideal upbringing may be inclined to focus all of his or her attention on pleasing others. He or she may also be very manipulative, or overly sensitive, imagining bad intentions when all is not there.

ESFJs incorporate many of the traits that are associated with women in our society. However, male ESFJs do not appear feminine at all. ESFJs are very aware of the roles that are appropriate for their gender. Male ESFJs are thus masculine (albeit sensitive when you get to know them), and female ESFJs are very feminine.

ESFJs with a good value system are warm, friendly, helpful, cooperative, down-to-earth, consistent, organized, enthusiastic, and energetic. They value tradition and security, and will seek a stable life rich in contact with friends and family.

Career

ESFJs are very organized and love order. Much of their self-satisfaction comes from what they provide for others.

Possible careers

Home economics

Care

Education

Administration

Childcare

Family doctor

Social worker

An accountant

Administrative Assistant

Relationships

ESFJs are warm people who value personal relationships. They are very service-oriented. Their own happiness is tied to the happiness and comfort of those around them. They are valued for their warm and caring nature, and their ability to bring out the best in others. They generally do not handle conflict well and can tend to be manipulative. Relationships are central to their lives. They put a great deal of energy into developing and maintaining their close interpersonal relationships. They expect the same from others.

Highlights

• Makes a lot of effort to fulfill duties and obligations
• Warm and friendly
• Service oriented, wants to please others
• Takes commitments very seriously and seeks lasting relationships
• Practicality
• Generally optimistic and popular, people are drawn to him
• Generally very good fund manager
• Family oriented, organizes family parties

 Weak points

• Generally uncomfortable with change
• Extreme aversion to conflict and criticism
• Need a lot of affection to feel good
• Places a lot of importance on how others see him
• Has difficulty accepting the end of a relationship and is likely to blame himself for the failure
• Has difficulty accepting negative things about people close to them
• Does not pay enough attention to own needs
• May tend to manipulate to get what he wants

Romantic relationships

ESFJs take great care and attention to the people they share an intimate relationship with. They take their commitments very seriously. Once they say "I do," they put in the effort to fulfill their obligations.

ESFJs want to be appreciated for who they are, and what they give to others. This is sometimes intensified to the point that they are emotionally very needy, constantly seeking out affection if it is not freely given. They may not tolerate conflict or criticism. They take any kind of criticism as an indictment of their overall personality. Negative feedback or lack of positive affirmation can cause them to become depressed.

ESFJs tend to be very conscious of their social status and "what other people think." They must be careful not to let this trait interfere with their intimate relationships.

Sexually, ESFJs are warm and affectionate. They view intimacy as an opportunity to express affection and receive loving tokens from their partners. ESFJs tend to be very regular and traditional in their sexual habits. They will place a great deal of importance on making their partners happy.

With their practicality, ESFJs are excellent at domestic matters. They take care of day-to-day needs and are cautious about money matters. They are interested in security and peaceful living.

Most ESFJs have a strong need to "belong," whether it be to institutions, traditions, or a family circle. This need makes them very social creatures, who enjoy attending or hosting parties. They strongly desire their partners to share their social experiences.

ESFJ's natural partner is theISFP, or theINFP to another extent.

Parental role

As parents, ESFJs are extremely committed to their role and express a lot of love for their children. They expect obedient children. However, it is difficult for them to punish their children. They may tend to punish their children in less obvious ways, by manipulating them. 

ESFJs are concerned with the comfort and happiness of those around them. ESFJ parents create a structured environment for children, where boundaries are clearly defined.

ESFJs are controlling about their children, emphasizing tradition and security. Their children are likely to rebel at some point, which will lead to a stressful time for the family. In this case, the ESFJs' natural tendency is to blame their children, which can cause serious damage to their relationship.

Friendship

Although ESFJs put their family before their friends, they do not place a high value on their friendships. However, there are some ESFJ tendencies that can cause problems with their friendships and intimate relationships. They do not give things freely and often expect something in return. They also have a hard time accepting negative aspects in their loved ones. Not to mention their sometimes manipulative tendencies.

Still, in most cases, ESFJs are appreciated for their warmth and kindness. They have the ability to see the best in others. As such, they usually have a relatively large number of very close friends, usually of all different personality types.

Financial independence

Although ESFJs manage money well, they do so in a very conservative manner. This is actually better because their Feeling side can lead them to make investment decisions that are too focused on fear or excitement. They are therefore not inclined to invest in the stock market. Furthermore, with their Extroverted dominance, they have a great need for others, further accentuated by their Feeling side. A quest for independence would only make sense to them if it could allow them to be of service to others. However, such a quest would take them a lot of time, given their very conservative financial approach.

If you are an ESFJ, then you are not an ideal candidate for financial independence. It is not really in your temperament. These readings may still interest you:

• Where does your money go?
• Emergency Fund

Kind Big Five - OCEAN the closest: SCOAN, SLOAN

Source : http://www.personalitypage.com